The 10 Best B-list artists of All Time

Year: 2008

B-list character actors who’s just talented enough to secure bit parts in a handful of movies every year, but not quite good looking enough to become a brand-name star. Some specialize in playing villains and others in having freaky-enormous chest tattoos, but combined, these brave, barely handsome men have appeared in every single movie produced in the last decade

10. KEITH DAVID

You Might Know Him From…

Men at Work, Road House, Platoon, Barbershop, Armageddon, the 1980 blockbuster Disco Godfather.

Special Moves

Not giving a shit about anything other than completing the duty/assignment/trash pickup assigned to him.

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9. WILLIAM FICHTNER

You Might Know Him From…

Prison Break, The Longest Yard, Crash, Black Hawk Down, Pearl Harbor, The Perfect Storm, Armageddon, 12,348 other movies and TV shows about something that’ 40 times more manly than you’ve ever done.

Special Moves

Pricks in uniform, cowards in uniform, assholes in uniform, shitheads in uniform, douchebags in uniform, fishermen who drown in uniform.

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8. DANNY TREJO

You Might Know Him From…

Desperado, Grindhouse, The Devil’ Rejects, xXx, Con Air, Heat, your worst nightmares.

Special Moves

Knife throwing, gun shooting, bartending, and face kicking, all while not speaking and sometimes simultaneously.

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7. RICHARD JENKINS

You Might Know Him From…

Six Feet Under, I Heart Huckabees, Me. Myself & Irene, Intolerable Cruelty, and a bunch of stupid bullshit like Rumor Has It”В¦.

Special Moves

Talking while eating and/or always sporting an expression of detached, judgmental contempt.

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6. LANE SMITH

You Might Know Him From…

The Mighty Ducks, Son in Law, My Cousin Vinny, Lois & Clark, The Mighty Ducks, The Legend of Bagger Vance. It’ the evil youth hockey coach from The Mighty Ducks!

Special Moves

Looking like he’ always about to knock you unconscious with a savage backhand that’ for your own damn good.

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5. PETER STORMARE

You Might Know Him From…

The Big Lebowski, Prison Break, Bad Boys II, Minority Report, Armageddon, and instilling an intense fear of wood-chippers in you in Fargo.

Special Moves

Believing in nothing, severing pinkie toes, and just generally giving off the impression that he’ committed a couple of sex crimes lately.

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4. JOHN HEARD

You Might Know Him From…

His tour de force role as the dad in Home Alone guaranteed him a lifetime of supporting roles in mildly entertaining TV shows and movies (with the exception of The Sopranos, which, of course, is the one drop-dead awesome show he’ been on.)

Special Moves

Reminding you of a kindly but stern amalgamation of all your friends’ dads.

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3. JAMES REBHORN

You Might Know Him From…

Meet the Parents, Independence Day, Carlito’ Way, Scent of a Woman, My Cousin Vinny, the picture next to the definition of “tight assed authority figure” in the dictionary.

Special Moves

Filling the roles that our #1 That Guy doesn’t have time for. Then, channeling his seething resentment for Cromwell into an acting style that portrays each and every character as an enormous prick whether or not the script calls for it. Case and point: in the script for Scent of a Woman, the principal was supposed to befriend Charlie and invite him and the Colonel over for hot chocolate at the end of the film. Rebhorn’ Cromwell envy, however, facilitated an entirely different outcome which facilitated that completely nonsensical Al Pacino rant.

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2. STEPHEN TOBOLOWSKY

You Might Know Him From…

Deadwood, Memento, Groundhog Day, CSI: Miami, Murder in the First, Thelma & Louise, and that one really hilarious episode of Reba.

Special Moves

No matter what your normal propensity for violence is, the mere sight of Stephen Tobolowsky has been scientifically proven to make you want to roundhouse kick his nose through the back of his bald, smarmy skull.

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1. JAMES CROMWELL

You Might Know Him From…

Come on-you know you know this dude. He’ such a good “That Guy” that he’ almost actually famous. Almost.

Special Moves

Everything. You need smug? Cromwell’ got smug. You need flippant? Well, ol’ Crommie’ got that too. In fact, some conspiracy theorists contend that James Cromwell is the Voltron of That Guys-that he’ actually an 80-foot tall physical combination of the other 19 men on this list; a massive, indestructible character actor endowed with the specific talents of all other That Guys.

As the theory goes, The Cromwell boasts Stephen Tobolowsky’ annoyingness, Lane Smith’ thinly veiled bloodthirstiness, John Heard’ fatherliness, Danny Trejo’ massive chest tattoos, and, of course, William Fichtner is curled up in the fetal position on The Cromwell’ face to make the nose. The end result? A guy who, in all seriousness, has never not been in a movie.


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